I'm not exactly sure why that is; maybe because I have more control over my surroundings, I feel more of an obligation to organize them. Or maybe during the school year, I can divert that unhealthy energy to straightening up newspaper layouts. Whatever it is, this is probably the first time in my life that I've seen my odd tendencies as a bit of a problem. Hopefully, it'll pass.
I think I've also finally gotten the trick to living with boys. The thing is, just like disorganization doesn't bother most people, men aren't bothered by the unclean. So if the trash isn't taken out, or the dishes unwashed, men don't care. But if you do, then don't ask someone else to fix the problem, just fix it yourself, because your roomie not taking out the trash is not the real problem; the real problem is that you care that your roomie is not taking out the trash.
It's not J's problem that he places the sponges so that they're not parallel to the sink; it's my problem because I care. In the same way, ladies, when your son, brother, husband, boyfriend or lover, doesn't pick up his clothes, leaves the toilet seat up, doesn't take out the trash or cook or do the dishes, it's not really his problem because he doesn't care if he lives like a slob.
So my message to the ladies is that most of us think differently than most men, and it's hard for us to understand men because of that. We think that actions and words are the same across genders, but, a lot of times, it's not. Maybe it's like me and my OCD; what bothers some people doesn't bother others. Maybe he hasn't called not because he doesn't care about you, but because he doesn't care about calling you. Maybe he doesn't help clean because he simply doesn't care about how unclean it will get, not because he doesn't care about you. It's a communication problem, really.
In conclusion, if something bothers you, be it the parallel nature of sponges and sink or the dishes in the sink, don't harass someone else to fix the problem because you're the problem, not the person who doesn't really care.
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2 comments:
Reminder: Our OCDs are in direct conflict.
However, I am bigger than you and if you touch my stuff next year there will be unfortunate consequences.
But very deep post I like your revelations. Also admitting there is a problem is the first step to recovery ;)
Also do you have another roommate yet?
how very Socratic of you. I am trying to fit that in with your other post, about "why violence," and it makes me wonder... yes, we start with fixing things ourselves. but in the end, our expectations are social: someone to understand us, someone to help us, someone to indulge us through petty sacrifice, or whatever. and if you spend your life fixing sponge positions or cleaning others' messes, or conversely, if you change your preferences to match those of others, how can you really be true to yourself and your own passion? In the first case, you live your life doing not what you want to do, but what others force you into. In the latter case, you are changing yourself to mesh with the behavior of others.
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